McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
