so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
