Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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