You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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