you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
