Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
