I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sex in a hospital.. check
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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