Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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