Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
