i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
