I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
