I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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