I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
