Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
