wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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