she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
