i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
