It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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