i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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