This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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