4 words: hood of his car
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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