I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
