the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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