OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
