Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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