The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
