honey bunches of taint.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
