Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
