census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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