I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
