remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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