For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
