I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
