College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
