I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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