apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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