Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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