Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize