Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
