I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
