Don't you send me to vm
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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