When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
