You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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