Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
