i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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