But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
