I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
