We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hippo gnu deer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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