i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
