I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
