we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
