Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
