new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
