Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
