Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's shark week go big or go home
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
