I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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