My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
