I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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