my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize