Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize