White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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