Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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