Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
