i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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